How It All Started

When my husband and I first considered home educating our son at the age of four, it was after he had started at a local primary school. We had known since he was about 2 years old that he was autistic, but because he was verbal and very able it wasn’t something we were too concerned about at the time. Both my husband and I worked in special education and had years of experience with neurodiversity and other learning difficulties. We taught our son from a young age how to self-manage. However, this became a blessing and a curse.

When he started in reception year at school, we were excited as a family, it was a milestone that all parents enjoy marking with their children. He had attended a preschool setting, where the staff had been very attentive to his needs and were especially supportive in helping him to understand these as he navigated day to day life in their care. When he was ready to transition to school, we arranged meetings with the school to help him get familiar with the setting and change of routine and we expressed our observations about his needs. It all went very well, that is until she started attending.

The reason I said our work in enabling our son to self-manage at a young age was a blessing and a curse became apparent at school. He was able to regulate himself to a certain degree at school and so when he started to display aggressive behaviour at home, emotional exhaustion as soon as he stepped over the threshold of the school playground and increased meltdowns in public, we knew what was happening.

Many people who are around neurodivergent children will often say things like, “they are not like that at school”, “they are fine with me”, “are you sure they have needs and not just unfocussed?” And the worst of all, “they aren’t neurodivergent, they are just defiant and naughty.” We were confident as parents and as professionals that our son had additional needs, and due to our work with him when he was young allowed him to mask* at school. This meant that as soon as he was back with us, the people he felt safest with, he let all of his anxieties go. Resulting in his changed behaviour.

When we approached the school about this and asked for support to get an assessment and diagnosis, they refused, saying that he would never pass threshold. Again, due to our professional experience we knew this wasn’t true, so we pushed. One afternoon at a parent’s evening we raised these concerns again and we were told, “he’s just chatty, fidgets a lot, distracted and just a bit naughty.”

The Decision to Home Educate

Just a few weeks later after a half term holiday, our son did not return to school. We decided that as qualified teachers and with our experience we would be the best people to educate our son. It was fortunate that I had given up work before he had started school as we recognised that our family would benefit from me managing the home full time.

The initial months of our home education experience were challenging. As a teacher, even with experience in special education, I was still wired to facilitate structured learning. We did this for several months, as our son needed the strict routine. However, as he got used to his new normal, we experimented with different methods, which was distinctly different from traditional schooling.

We joined home education support groups, family meets, learning workshops and experiences and threw ourselves into the home ed world. In fact, I ended up starting a home education business and even won an award! But at the centre of everything was my son’s education and wellbeing. We learned together, explored new skills and grew closer for it.

A Return to School and Another Shift

After three enriching years of home education, our son expressed a desire to re-join the school system. Mixed feelings arose, but we respected his wish. We worked hard to find a local school that could support his needs, while recognising his academic abilities. His initial two years back were filled with joy and excitement, with new friendships blooming and fascinating subjects to explore. He was the only Jewish child in our area and so in his school and at first this gave him the opportunity to share this part of his life with his classmates who were eager to learn more. However, as time passed, we noticed familiar challenges resurfacing. The rigid structure of the classroom was stifling for him, echoing our previous concerns. But on top of that we were seeing the tell-tale signs of bullying, and after several serious incidents where he was targeted for being neurodivergent and for being Jewish, we had to act.

Ultimately, we had to make the choice to return to home education. But it wasn’t simple, because now we were having to address his mental health before his education, we were having to deal with the trauma he had suffered at the hands of others and support him in rebuilding his self-confidence and his identity.

A Faith-Centred Approach

We have been back to home educating for over a year now and recently something has been nagging at me. This small voice in the back of my head saying there is more to what we are doing. This time round I decided not to sign us up for all and any groups and meet ups in and around our area. This time round we focused on our personal journey and how we could learn together, prioritising our son’s interests, talents and needs. But something was still missing, and then it hit me.

I run the Cheder at our Synagogue, teaching the next generation of our community to embrace their culture, their faith and build a better future. That’s what I was missing, our son attends our Cheder every week, but we weren’t extending that learning, that enrichment into our Monday to Friday lessons. It seemed so simple once I’d thought about it, our home, our family had out Jewishness at its core, so why hadn’t I done the same with our son’s education.

This shift has been truly enlightening. Each day, we take time to integrate Jewish teachings into our learning process. For example, we start the day with prayers that establish focus and purpose, we learn songs that are often features of our Shabbat services. This practice serves as a reminder that education is not just about absorbing information; it’s also about building character.

Each small change we've started to implement reveals positive shifts in our family dynamics. Our learning experiences are evolving to include discussions on ethics derived from Jewish teachings, encouraging our son to consider moral dilemmas and their implications in daily life. By providing him real-world scenarios, we nurture his empathy and responsibility.

Moving Forward Together

As we navigate our home education journey, I cherish the lessons we have learned—both academically and spiritually. With faith at our core, our approach has not only transformed our son's educational experience but also deepened our family relationships.

Although our adventure in home education is in its sixth year, I feel like we are just beginning. This new foundation we are building is stronger than ever. I look forward to sharing more of our experiences as we cultivate a learning environment that resonates deeply with our son's heart and mind, and maybe we will help other families along the way.

*masking is the term used for when someone who is neurodivergent "hides" their needs in order to fit in with societal norms. This can be emotionally and physically exhausting and cause the individual to suffer from increased meltdowns when they are around those they trust.